I have posted this photo and caption in my instagram. But I think it's okay to share it here too. Because I realize that instagram doesn't have good archieve, so it will be easier if I want to read it again if I posting it here.
---
Looking back to the moments in 2016 is like opening a menu in a restaurant. You start with the appetizer, hoping to fully your tummy with the main course, and ending it with sweet dessert.
The menu can be looked so nyummy and beautifly photographed, but after the waiter giving you the real food, you've got to admit sometimes you have higher expectation than the reality. And it starting to make you feel disappointed in life.
I have some new resolutions to achieve in 2017, which I will post tomorrow here. But mainly, I want to grow up to be a more matured person. To have no expectation, so I will be grateful for everything happened in my life. To feel I am a complete person, with or without anyone else in my life. To focus in my own life, not worrying so much about anyone else who has no intention with me. To let people come and go in my life with a smile. Because I know God knows the best for me :)
Thank you for all the people who gives my 2016 a lot of colourful memory. From the pinkish cheks, to the darker eye bags. Hope we can maintain it better in 2017.
suara tawamu yang renyah
bercandamu yang tak pernah menggunakan kata kasar
kesukaanmu terhadap lagu westlife, terutama lagu Soledad
kecerdasanmu yang membuatku terpesona
celetukanmu yang kadang bikin aku berpikir, ini harus kutanggapi atau tidak ya? ^^;
dirimu yang tak pernah segan menjadi imam shalat
rasa sayangmu pada keluarga dan sahabat (yang salah satunya jadi paparazzi memotret kita diam-diam dari belakang)
ringan tanganmu untuk membantu orang-orang
cita-cita tinggimu untuk bermanfaat bagi masyarakat
kamu yang tidak ingin aku tidur larut malam
kamu yang tidak ingin aku berjalan-jalan tidak jelas sendirian
kamu yang suka makanan terutama dengan rasa pedas (tapi sekarang tidak bisa banyak-banyak karena perutmu sudah jadi sensitif karena kamu pernah berlebihan memakannya, ckck)
suara tenor kamu ketika bernyanyi
kereligiusanmu yang kamu jaga
warna hijau yang jadi warna favoritmu
nervousnya kamu ketika aku tatap dan aku telpon
khawatirnya kamu ketika aku menangis
kamu yang suka pantai ataupun gunung
kamu yang tahu aku phobia ketinggian dan menawarkan tangan kamu untuk aku pegang erat ketika aku takut turun di jalanan curam
pundak yang kamu pinjamkan agar aku bisa tertidur
kamu yang sabar dengan pms aku
kamu yang ekstrovert dan pelan-pelan membuka keintrovertan aku
---
Aku tak tahu berapa lama kamu akan ada
Toh pertemuan dan kehadiran kamu sudah jadi sesuatu yang aku syukuri
Karena satu jawaban doaku pada Allah sudah dikabulkan
Untuk bisa menutup tahun 2016 ini dengan perasaan yang lebih baik
Aku tahu cita-cita kamu
Aku berharap aku tidak akan pernah menjadi distraksi ketika kamu sedang berjuang mencapainya
Aku berharap kita bisa bersama menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik
Hingga mungkin jika nanti datang saatnya, jika Allah memang menakdirkan kita untuk bersama
Takdir tersebut dapat dipermudah jalannya
---
Aku punya satu kode nama untukmu: suneo :D
Aku tahu kamu tidak terlalu menyukainya, haha
Aku hanya melihat persamaannya pada rambutmu yang suka mencuat (tapi sekarang sudah kamu potong pendek dan tidak mirip suneo lagi katanya, haha)
Dan senyum yang bikin mulutmu terlihat bersudut
Dan tinggi kita yang hanya terpaut 17 cm
Dan cara bicaramu yang kadang terdengar sedikit arogan, tapi toh aku menikmati segala ceritamu
Karena aku tahu bukan maksudmu untuk bicara seperti itu
Hanya nada bicara lucumu yang bikin aku ingat dengan nada bicaraku yang juga tidak biasa
---
Entah bagaimana cerita kita akan berjalan
Aku akan menjalaninya dengan segenap perasaan
Jika pun nanti harus berpisah jalan
Aku tetap bersyukur atas semua yang ada
Ketika kamu sudah pernah menikmati suatu keindahan dan tahu sakitnya ketika keindahan itu dicabut darimu, kamu kira kamu akan menjadi lebih kuat karena kamu tahu bagaimana rasanya kehilangan.
Ternyata, tidak.
Ternyata bahkan sebelum kehilangan itu terjadi, kamu sudah ketakutan. Kamu sudah membayangkan kepedihan. Yang harusnya belum tiba, jadi muncul lebih awal. Ketika bahagia masih terlihat titiknya, kamu sudah merinding pada selimut kelam yang akan menutup semua cahaya yang ada.
I start using it from August 2015. I am focusing on food and flower post. I use camera from handphone Samsung S3, then Samsung S6. I hope I can buy a "real" camera to make more proper photograph. I think I will try to save up some money to but a mirrorless camera. It's gonna be one of my 2017 resolution :)
And these are my 2015 and 2016 best nine photos in instagram. I am making it from website 2015bestnine.com and 2016bestnine.com (link). The web picks photos with the most likes as the best. Eventhough it's not always showing the best in our heart :)
2016 will be over soon. Do you feel 2016 is going too fast?
Salah satu teman baik yang saya kenal dari SMA 8 angkatan 2008. Kuliah di jurusan dan fakultas yang sama yaitu Manajemen FEUI. Tinggal di satu kosan yang sama kira-kira 4 tahunan (cmiiw) Pondok Kartini, Kutek.
Setelah lulus kuliah, masing-masing menjalani hari dengan karier yang dipilih. Saya menetap di satu perusahaan. Bestari lebih petualang, mencoba peruntungan hingga ke negeri di seberang lautan. Beruntung teknologi komunikasi yang canggih masih dapat menyatukan. Hingga paruh kedua 2016 yang saya rasa cukup menyakitkan di awal, tetap bisa menyenangkan karena bisa meluangkan waktu bersama Bestari :)
Saya sempat menggabungkan beberapa foto kegiatan bersama Bestari di instagram. Bersama penjelasan foto yang saya coba uraikan layaknya puisi ala-ala :P
Terbiasa melakukan
perjalanan sendiri, jadi bersyukur ketika ada yang bersedia menemani.
Dari baju dan muke rapi, hingga berantakan lepek sana-sini.
Menyusuri jalanan Jakarta pun jadi petualangan berarti. Ancol, monas, TIM,
taman menteng, dan taman suropati. Kfc, McD, dan kafe tempat ngopi. Jalan kaki,
menonton film, dan membicarakan permasalahan hidup juga ekonomi. Selfie pun
jadi seru karena muka sumringah tak lelah untuk berekspresi.
Terima kasih atas kebersamaannya. Semoga semesta bisa mempertemukan kita lagi
dalam simfoni kehidupan suatu hari nanti :)
Alia dan Bestari, Juli - Okt 2016.
Terakhir bertemu Bestari adalah ketika menonton stand up comedy Juru Bicara Jakarta oleh Pandji Pragiwaksono di Kota Kasablanka. Saat itu bersama Dadi juga. Malam yang super menyenangkan. Sayang harus berjalan begitu cepat.
Alia, Bestari, dan Dadi menonton Juru Bicara Jakarta 101216
Seperti akhir dari puisi ala-ala di caption instagram, semoga semesta mempertemukan kita lagi ya Best! Tetap sehat dan semangat di Bali. Semoga selalu berbahagia dan bisa mensyukuri hidup apa adanya :)
Way Back Into Love
Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore
From Music and Lyrics The Movie
Lyrics from azlyrics.com (link)
[Verse 1] [Drew Barrymore:]
I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on!
[Hugh Grant:]
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
Just in case I ever need 'em again someday,
I've been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind!
[Chorus] [Both:]
All I wanna do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
Ooo hooow
[Verse 2] [Drew Barrymore:]
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere!
[Hugh Grant:]
I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.
[Chorus] [Both:]
All I wanna do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end!
[Middle-eight] [Drew Barrymore:]
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation
[Chorus] [Both:]
All I wanna do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end!
So if you knew, with indisputable certainty, that love was never
going to be yours, how would you live your life differently? What about
your daily routine would you alter? What about your long-term plans?
Your first inclination may be to say "Nothing." After all, you’re
a smart person. You have plans that don’t involve someone else’s
influence.
The idea that someday somebody will love all our flaws is a subtle
excuse not to work on them. The principle of two halves making a whole
restrains us from becoming our own better half. We want someone to swoop
in during our darkest hour and save us, but what if we knew they never
would? We’d have to start doing everything differently.
If you knew that love would never be an option for you, what
would be? How would you structure the rest of your life? Would it have
a heavier focus on career, a stronger inclination toward success?
Or would you use the time to invest in yourself — go on a few more
vacations, travel further outside your comfort zone? If you knew that
you would never again feel the rush of budding romance, where would you
turn to for your thrills? How would you get your blood pumping?
And what about your other relationships — would they suddenly
take on more weight? Would you spend more time appreciating your family,
if you knew that they are the people who will have loved you the most
strongly at the end of your life? What about your friendships? Would you
nurture and care more for the people who love you platonically if you
knew that nobody would ever love you romantically? Would you show
up a little more often, share a little more of your life?
Without the fear of ending up alone, the opportunities open to you would
become endless. You could live on every continent. You could scale the
corporate ladder. You could go back to school and get that degree you’ve
always felt interested in, without worrying about the financial burden
your debt may place on somebody else. Love holds us back in an infinite
amount of subtle ways that perhaps we do not even realize. And the
guarantee of its absence may just be the ultimate sense of liberation.
Because if we didn’t have to search for the love of our lives, we would
finally be free to realize that we are allowed to be the loves of our
own. That we can spend our lives developing ourselves, challenging
ourselves, pampering ourselves and building ourselves up to be bigger,
more capable people than we ever once hoped to become. We could become
everything we’ve been searching for. We could construct our soul mates
in ourselves.
If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for
someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve
been waiting for. Live your life as if you are the love of it. Because
that’s the only thing you know for sure — that through every triumph,
every failure, every fear and every gain that you will ever experience
until the day you die, you are going to be present.
You are going
to be the person who shows up to accept your rewards. You are going
to be the person who holds your own hand when you’re broken. You are
going to be the person who gets yourself up off the floor every time you
get knocked down and if those things are not love-of-your-life
qualities, I don’t know what are.
We have to start appreciating all that we bring to our own lives.
Because the ironic truth is, you are most attractive when you’re not
worried about who you’re attracting.
So stop looking for The One to spend the rest of your life with. Be The One.
From "Think About This if You're Worried That You Might Never Find 'The One'" (link)
Alfred:
I'll get this to Mr. Fox, but no more. I've sewn you up, I've set your
bones, but I won't bury you. I've buried enough members of the Wayne
family.
Alfred:
You see only one end to your journey. Leaving is all I have to make you
understand, you're not Batman anymore. You have to find another way. You
used to talk about finishing a life beyond that awful cape.
Bruce Wayne:
Rachel died believing that we would be together; that was my life beyond
the cape. I can't just move on. She didn't, she couldn't.
Alfred:
What if she had? What if, before she died, she wrote a letter saying she
chose Harvey Dent over you? And what if, to spare your pain, I burnt
that letter?
Bruce Wayne:
How dare you use Rachel to try to stop me?
Alfred:
I am using the truth, Master Wayne. Maybe it's time we all stop trying
to outsmart the truth and let it have its day. I'm sorry.
Bruce Wayne:
You're sorry? You expect to destroy my world and then think we're going to shake hands?
Alfred:
It means your hatred... and it also means losing someone that I have
cared for since I first heard his cries echo through this house. But it
might also mean saving your life. And that is more important.
Curhat Buat Sahabat
By Dee Lestari
Dari buku Rectoverso
Sahabatku, usai tawa ini Izinkan aku bercerita:
Telah jauh, ku mendaki Sesak udara di atas puncak khayalan Jangan sampai kau di sana
Telah jauh, ku terjatuh Pedihnya luka di dasar jurang kecewa Dan kini sampailah, aku di sini...
Yang cuma ingin diam, duduk di tempatku Menanti seorang yang biasa saja Segelas air di tangannya, kala kuterbaring... sakit
Yang sudi dekat, mendekap tanganku Mencari teduhnya dalam mataku Dan berbisik : "Pandang aku, kau tak sendiri,oh dewiku..." Dan demi Tuhan, hanya itulah yang Itu saja kuinginkan
Sahabatku, bukan maksud hati membebani, Tetapi...
Telah lama, kumenanti Satu malam sunyi untuk kuakhiri Dan usai tangis ini, aku kan berjanji...
Untuk diam, duduk di tempatku Menanti seorang yang biasa saja Segelas air di tangannya, kala kuterbaring... sakit
Menentang malam, tanpa bimbang lagi Demi satu dewi yang lelah bermimpi Dan berbisik : "Selamat tidur, tak perlu bermimpi bersamaku..."
Wahai Tuhan, jangan bilang lagi itu terlalu tinggi
Setelah ada yang membagikan tautan di facebook tentang tanggal rilis film The Incredibles 2 dan Toy Story 4, saya menjadi bernostalgia kembali tentang kedua film tersebut.
Salah satu hal yang belum pernah seumur hidup saya lakukan, akhirnya kesampaian juga!
Akibat kejadian waktu sd di mana saya mau disuntik ambil darah, saya melihat dengan jelas bagaimana si jarum menempel ke kulit saya, lalu saya (dengan bodohnya) malah refleks menarik tangan saya, yang menyebabkan tangan saya luka tergores (nggak dalem, tergores biasa saja) dan saya menangis kejer. Itu kejadiannya lagi di bulan puasa. Akhirnya supaya saya diam, ibu saya membelikan saya minuman dingin. Batal deh puasanya, haha.
Selanjutnya setiap ada kata-kata donor darah, saya jadi teringat terus dengan memori itu. Apalagi ada yang bilang bahwa setelah donor darah, tubuh kita akan lemas sesudahnya. Padahal jarak waktu antara satu donor dan donor lainnya itu 3 bulan. Masa saya lemes 3 bulan gimana dongg?? Pikir saya yang superawam tentang dunia perdonoran darah hahah :"D
Superpenting bagi kalian yang mau berburu tiket murah untuk liburan. Makin jauh mencari tanggalnya biasanya makin seru hunting tujuan dan harganya ya, hehe.
Baiklah, ini dia jadwalnya. Semoga bermanfaat yaa :)
Dengan pekerjaan yang saya miliki,
liburan itu bisa jadi sesuatu yang tak tertebak. Yang sering mampir ke
blog ini pasti tahu bahwa pekerjaan saya fleksibel. Iya, fleksibel.
Ketika orang bekerja, saya bekerja. Ketika orang liburan, saya bekerja.
Hahaha.. *ketawa miris*
Paling
parah bulan september 2016 lalu, saya tidak punya libur kecuali saat
idul adha. Itu pun sebenarnya "terpaksa" libur. Siapa juga mau masuk
ketika idul adha? -___-" Dan itu bikin saya super uring-uringan.
Terutama rindu bisa jalan-jalan bodoh ke beberapa tujuan di dalam kota.
Tapi
memang liburan itu sesuatu yang sangat diperlukan insan manusia bekerja
ya. Rasanya suntuk sekali ketika tidak punya libur. Meski jadi berbeda
ketika justru kita punya libur setiap hari, misalnya kita bukan angkatan
kerja atau ternyata adalah pengangguran (eits, kedua istilah itu
berbeda arti ya hihi). Malah bosan ya liburan terus. Memang semuanya
sebaiknya berjalan seimbang, jangan ada yang berlebihan.
Selama
ini saya masih menjadi orang yang nyaman menghabiskan waktu liburan di
dalam kota saja. Entah berkunjung ke mall, taman, museum, toko buku,
atau berusaha mencari list event menarik yang bisa saya kunjungi.
Kebanyakan semuanya pergi sendiri ^^;
Suatu
saat nanti semoga saya diberikan waktu, uang, dan keberanian untuk
pergi lebih jauh ke luar kota ya. Sulitnya mengingat jalan menjadi salah
satu hambatan yang membuat saya khawatir untuk pergi sendirian ke luar
kota. Tidak bisa bela diri juga menjadi poinnya. Saya rasa memang harus
ikutan macam tur atau open trip supaya pergi sendiriannya bisa
bersama-sama.
Apaan tuh pergi sendirian kok bersama-sama? Begitulah nasib loner ya hihi :")
Another copy-paste article. This one is from https://www.psychologytoday.com (link). It's quite a long article. So I make it the "continue reading" option if you really want to read it :)
I always think that psychology is one thing I want to study in university. Up until now, I can't make it. So I think it will be better if I follow @PsychToday twitter account (link) to read about psychology more often.
It turns out some articles are sound soo cheesy, but they are written in a good and motivational way, so it makes me want to read it more and more. This one is no exception. Especially for you who arrive in this blog post by google search :)
I have shared in previous post that my friend have fed up with my stories. But reading thing article and comment section in the original web (link) makes me realize that I am not alone in this kind of problem. A lot of people experienced the same. But they don't talk about it loudly in public. The choose a safe place by using anonymous account. Still we can learn from their story.
Last but not least, let's be better together, by sharing and empowering each other. Don't let anyone belittled you. Because you are important, even without them.
Just the influenza and cough. They love me so much, they always be with me when the rainy season comes, hahah. Oh, how I wish my body to always be healthy, amen!
I just think this article has some good advices and worth to read. Maybe there are other people in the world who need this kind of reading material to strength up their kind heart :)
The article comes from http://ideaspots.com (link).
I copy this article from https://brightside.me (link). Before the 7 one third, I nearly always go to places and doing activities alone. Now I am doing it again. Of course because I am going alone I don't go to many places. Just inside my town.
I dream someday I can go to more and further places on my own. Hoping I can find the right time with the right amount of money to do it, hehe :D
----------
Don't Feel Bad For Me If I Do Things Alone
I was discussing prospective travel plans with a group of people the
other day when one of them, after expressing her interest in visiting
Lyon, remarked, ’But I have to find someone to go with - I’m not going
to travel there by myself. Nobody wants to do that.’
This statement started a train of thought on which I had embarked many times before:
Why is it still seen as socially unacceptable to do things
by yourself? And why is it always presumed that people don’t want
to do things alone?
Well. I do understand where people of these opinions are
coming from: we, as human beings, are social beings. It is only natural
that we want to share in our experiences with others. Socializing and
conversing are how we forge friendships and ultimately help each other
grow.
However, it baffles me as to why the idea that someone wants
to do something alone is so bizarre to some people. Sure - by societal
norms, activities such as eating out or seeing a movie are viewed
as social activities to be enjoyed with others. It’s standard
of behavior and human tendency that we seek to do these things with
people. But seeing someone out and about on their own doesn’t equate
to him or her being lonely, or having no friends.
More importantly, I think we are perfectly entitled to simply not
be in the mood to entertain someone throughout an activity, or socialize
in general. Throughout the day, we’re invariably staring at screens
of all shapes and sizes, and being bombarded with stimuli through them.
On top of that, we must make real human interactions with handfuls of people on a daily basis. It grows exhausting, whether one is an introvert or extrovert.
But who is to say that ’me’ time is only in the confines of one’s
home, in the form of a pantsless Sunday spent watching Netflix and
binging on pizza? Why is doing that alone acceptable anyway, but not
going outside and doing something in town? Lunching solo at a cafe
or laying on the beach is equally rewarding as ’me’ time. Time spent
by myself is time spent alone with my thoughts, which I relish
in a world of distraction. Once alone, I have the opportunity to ponder
over matters to which I have been meaning to devote mental attention -
or to think about nothing at all, and simply appreciate the present
moment.
I suppose that’s another explanation for why doing things alone has
a social stigma. We tend to project our own tendencies onto others,
particularly in situations we view negatively; and I find that the
people with the greatest aversion to doing things alone are the ones
who cannot be in solitude with their minds.
Being alone with your mind, however, is one of the best things for your soul.
That is one of the greatest pleasures I find in doing things alone.
Another is, of course, the freedom to operate on your own schedule. This
liberty is why I enjoy solo shopping and can appreciate traveling alone
so much.
But traveling alone? Doesn’t it get a little solitary? Well, yes .
One of the greatest joys of travel is reveling in the presence
of awesome history or art with someone, and I definitely find myself
wishing I had a friend with me at times; seeing what I’m seeing, eating
what I’m eating, discussing our experiences. It’s nice to have someone
there with you sharing that ephemeral moment that cannot be recreated.
Which leads me to my following point - despite all that, I am
determined to not let such factors impede me from doing what I want and
what speaks to me, and you shouldn’t either. If you truly want
to do something, why should the prospect of doing it alone
be an obstacle to your will? In the end, the connection you have with
that object or goal is the most important.
This isn’t all with the aim to denigrate people who don’t like being
alone, or make the statement that such people have no substance. To each
his own. But satisfaction ultimately lies in the substance
of an activity and if that is what you’re really after, then go for it.
And all those people you think are judging you...they likely are, given
the stigma of doing things alone, but what does that matter in the grand
scheme of things?
Doing things alone eventually begins to dissipate the feeling
of self-consciousness in public places, and fosters self-awareness
instead. It takes a degree of confidence and initiative to do things
solo, of which you should be proud.
It takes 5 months, losing 13 kgs, some good friends, some loner trips in the town, some sleepless nights, a lot of crying moments, to finally reach this 0 counter.
I think I have written a post with 0 as the title earlier. But it turns out so cheesy I revert it to draft again, haha. And I know at that time, I still in my mourning period, so this post deserve the 0 title more :)
I realize I have found peace again in my heart when I know that I am no longer being an important person in his life. The no-communication-at-all-to-forget is real. At first I believe when he said he still wants to be friend with me. But of course it is so different communicate with person you love and now just being a friend, right?
Now I am at the stage to searching again the purpose in my life. I believe happiness is start within my ownself. Not from my relationship, my job, or my money. It's a state of mind.
Hampir semua orang yang rutin ada di sekitar saya menyadari ini. Hampir semua orang terlihat kaget, bahagia, dan bertanya tips dan trik bagaimana saya bisa mencapainya.
Jawaban saya selalu sama. Mengurangi makan karbo, olahraga, motivasi yang kuat dan konsisten, juga perasaan bahagia.
Walau di dalam hati, saya tau, motivasi paling kuat yang saya miliki adalah karena saya patah hati.
Staying true to myself often makes people see me as a weak person.
But I know the best for my ownself. I am the girl who doesn't feel afraid to dive into emotion I felt. I am the girl who likes to learn about what my feelings will do to me. I am the girl who doesn't matter knowing how emotion will hurt and break me.
I know denial won't make me learn. I know denial won't make me knowing how I am gonna react to these kind of emotions. I know denial won't make me realize how I am gonna find the solution.
As an introvert and intrapersonal person, my favourite time now is discussing my day, my problem, and what I feel with my ownself and God. I let my imaginary friend appear. I let my prayer time becomes so important. Because I know some people have fed up with my stories, haha. And nobody really cared about it :)
I am happy and in the process to being okay :)
Don't lie to your ownself, dear.
Face the fear and doubt you have. Let it goes to your heart. Feel it. Feel it all. Feel it and understand it. Feel it and slowly you'll find the cure :")
Another one third has passed after the seven one third event end. All of my friends who knows about this story telling me to stop. I want to stop. I really want to stop. But there's still feelings attached to me. I hate that. I hate that feelings. I hate that feelings can break my routines. I hate I can't really do anything to stop it. I can't show it, I don't know how to express it, except with crying. And I can't cry freely too. I have to search the proper time and some places that people who see me cry can think that I am still normal and don't have to asking me or worrying about it.
Move on always become one of the hardest part in my life. I did it several times. It got me some years to really forget about how I really care about one person.
I promise myself not to tell this kind of story in my public blog. Mostly because I don't want anyone to ask if I am okay. I am not okay, there you go fellas. But I try my best to let go. Really. Bear with me. I know when one door closed, another one will open. I know rainbow always come after the rain. I know happiness awaits for me. I know I still have a lot of other things to do and to take care of. I know I still have some people who care about me.
I just need some more time to passed..
----------
I Hate U I Love U
By Gnash feat Olivia O'Brien
[Verse 1 - Olivia O'Brien:]
Feeling used
But I'm
Still missing you
And I can't
See the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips
And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can't seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you
[Chorus - Olivia O'Brien:]
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her
[Verse 2 - Gnash:]
I miss you when I can't sleep
Or right after coffee
Or right when I can't eat
I miss you in my front seat
Still got sand in my sweaters
From nights we don't remember
Do you miss me like I miss you?
Fucked around and got attached to you
Friends can break your heart too,
And I'm always tired but never of you
If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit
I put this reel out, but you wouldn't bite that shit
I type a text but then I never mind that shit
I got these feelings but you never mind that shit
Oh oh, keep it on the low
You're still in love with me but your friends don't know
If you wanted me you would just say so
And if I were you, I would never let me go
[Radio version's additional chorus - Olivia O'Brien:]
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her
[Verse 3 - Gnash:]
I don't mean no harm
I just miss you on my arm
Wedding bells were just alarms
Caution tape around my heart
You ever wonder what we could have been?
You said you wouldn't and you fucking did
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix
Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed
Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing
Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance
I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing
But I learned from my dad that it's good to have feelings
When love and trust are gone
I guess this is moving on
Everyone I do right does me wrong
So every lonely night I sing this song
[Chorus - Olivia O'Brien and Gnash:]
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her
[Bridge - Olivia O' Brien and Gnash:]
All alone I watch you watch her
Like she's the only girl you've ever seen
You don't care you never did
You don't give a damn about me
Yeah all alone I watch you watch her
She is the only thing you ever see
How is it you never notice
That you are slowly killing me
[Chorus - Olivia O'Brien:]
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her
I don't usually left my blog for a long time. Actually I want to post many things, but I think it will be best if I don't post it. Some of posts I wrote in July I revert to draft because I don't know it will be suitable for other people to read it. So I turned it to my other blog which is only me can read it.
I try to live normally since I think the situation I got last month should never change my routine. Well, some of my routine. I do exercising, I do dieting, I walk around by myself. I try to make myself hungry, tired, and sleepy to forget the bad situation I am experiencing. I meet my friends more and so glad they give me so much encouragement to be a happy person again.
But for this time, let me just dancing with myself :)
On the floors of Tokyo
Down in London town's a go-go
With the record selection
And the mirror's reflection
I'm a-dancing with myself
Oh, when there's no one else in sight
In the crowded, lonely night
Well, I wait so long for my love vibration
And I'm dancing with myself
Oh, dancing with myself
Oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'm dancing with myself
If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes seem to pass me by
And leave me dancing with myself
So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had a chance, I'd ask one to dance
And I'd be dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'm dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'm dancing with myself
So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had a chance, I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancing with myself
I'll be dancing with myself
So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
oh, dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'm dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'm dancing with myself
Ternyata udah lamaaaaa banget nggak update tentang film yang udah ditonton di bioskop. Terakhir itu diupdate bulan Maret 2015 (link), lebih dari setahun yang lalu, cing!
Yaudah, kita update dulu yang tahun 2015 ya. Mungkin setelah ini postingannya buat yang 2016, hehe.
Film yang ditonton di tahun 2015 pada bulan:
- April
1. Sponge Out of Water, 030415 (ditonton 2)
2. Tjokroaminoto, 130415
3. Fast and Furious, 150415
4. Filosofi Kopi, 220415
5. Avenger: Age of Ultron, 250415 (ditonton 2x)
- Mei
1. Europe On Screen 2015! Reviewnya baca di sini ya (link)
- Juni
1. Siti, 090615
2. Jurrasic World, 160615
3. Minions, 210615 (ditonton 3x)
4. Terminator Genesys, 280615
- Juli
1. Ant Man, 220715 (ditonton 2x)
- Agustus
1. Mission Impossible 5: Rogue Nation, 050815
2. Inside Out, 220815 (ditonton 2x)
- September
1. Maze Runner: Scorch Trial, 120915
2. The Intern, 270915
- Oktober
1. The Walk, 101015
- November
1. Spectre, 081115
2. Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, 221115
- Desember
1. Star Wars 7: The Force Awakens, 301215
Total ada 19 film. Total selama 2015 adalah 26 film. Film Indonesia yang ditonton berjumlah 4, sisanya film asing.
I nearly always so excited when I do my job which is teaching until one of my student saying this..
"Am I so stupid that you always cheering so excitedly when I can answer your question?"
Makes me think that I have to tone down my excitement and thinking that this job is boring af that I can't be so happy about your learning success. Thank you my lovely student..
Berceloteh lagi. Belum nemu yang pas untuk nulis per tema serius, hehe.
1. Mesti ngetik sesuatu pekerjaan, tapi menyadari kalau ngetik di rumah itu ya godaan kok banyak banget. Bisa jadi ini cuma alesan saya aja sih. Superkangen dengan saat-saat nulis spip di kosan. Bukan spipnya ya, suasana nulisnya aja yang bisa dibangun jam berapa pun. Emang sih waktu nulis spip itu berasa intensif karena jadwal seharian cuma sekitar nulis - makan - tidur. Pasti ada shalat dan mandi ya. Selingan kl bosen adalah nonton HIMYM dan Glee, ataupun ke supermarket beli cemilan :3
2. Berasa banget yang namanya innamal a'malu bin niat sekarang. Semuanya tergantung niat. Orang bisa berprasangka apapun, tapi kalau emang niat si empunya baik yasudahlah ya dilanjutkeun saja. Anjing menggonggong kafilah berlalu.
3. Gimana caranya posting foto makanan dianggap pamer ya? Padahal foto makanan yang saya posting juga biasa aja keknya -___- (mau bukti? Coba buka instagram.com/aliapewe ((link)) Malah promosi :p). Mungkin udah pernah nulis di sini kalau instagram community itu friendlyyyyyy banget. Betah deh kalau mau berselancar kemana-mana gampang, ga usah jadi follower juga bisa (asal ga diprotect akunnya). Kalau di facebook biasanya banyak informasi pribadi ya jadi saya sendiri pun males buka-buka profil orang yang ga saya kenal.
Foto apapun yang terpampang juga nggak bikin saya mikir aneh-aneh karena setiap orang biasanya udah punya kegemaran masing-masing. Cenderungnya foto yang diunggah pasti punya 1 hal kesamaan. Misal, sukanya selfie, yaudah foto selfie terus yang diupload. Atau suka travelling, yaudah foto pas dia jalan-jalan mulu yang diupload.
Balik lagi ke soal pamer, kalau menurut saya sih kalau dianggap seperti itu, banyak banget foto lain yang juga dianggap pamer dan menimbulkan keirian. Contohnya ya:
- Foto lagi kumpul-kumpul sama temen --> bikin iri yang loner (curcol)
- Foto pesta pernikahan --> bikin iri yang jomblo (ini ga curcol kok wkwk)
- Foto travelling --> bikin iri yang mesti kerja hampir tiap hari (ga curcol, saya lebih suka hangout di dalam kota week)
- Foto ootd alias outfit of the day --> bikin iri yang badannya ga oke jadi ga bisa pake baju kek gitu ataupun yang ga punya duit
- Foto orang dapat juara ketika lomba --> bikin iri yang kalah
- Foto udah charity ke mana aja --> ibadah masa dipamerin sih?
- Foto anaknya lagi ketawa main makan nangis --> kasian yang mau hamil ga bisa-bisa
Jadi gimana? Mau melarang semua orang untuk tidak mengunggah foto saja apa di instagram? Atau lebih baik santai dan tutup media sosial atau unfollow saja orang yang membuat hati panas?
4. Rusuh taksi offline vs taksi online. Ga mau banyak komentar. Dua-duanya saya sering pake. Harapannya sih dua-duanya bakal tetep ada..
- Schedule for Kineforum in March 2016. They will celebrate Indonesian National Movie Days by showing Indonesian movie for a month. I hope I can go to their place to enjoy the movie :D
click to enlarge the picture
- Poster and schedule for 21 Short Film Festival 2016. I went to this event last year and so excited to come again this year. Too bad I haven't got the chance to review last year event. I hope I can write it this year :D For more information you can go to their website www.21shortfilm.com (link) or twitter @21shortfilm (link). You can read about the festival and download the event catalogue in pdf version.
Beberapa pikiran di Februari 2016 yang sepertinya cukup penting untuk ditulis demi mengingatkan diri sendiri. Kalau di twitter sama instagram pake hashtag #ntms alias "note to my self" wkwk.
1. You can't be right just by being right
Kebenaran itu tidak mutlak. Kebenaran bisa berubah sesuai situasi dan kondisi. Cara penyampaian, respon si penerima, para saksi, norma yang berlaku, jumlah uang dan pangkat yang dimiliki, dan banyak hal lainnya bisa menjadi penentu apakah opini yang disampaikan menjadi kebenaran atau tidak.
Saya yang mengembangkan sikap blak-blakan sejak SMA, jadi kembali harus menahan diri. Well, sebenarnya itu keputusan yang tepat agar ketika ingin menyampaikan pendapat, saya bisa benar-benar berpikir dengan jernih. Jangan sampai yang terlontar malah membuat saya terlibat masalah yang tidak diduga-duga.
2. Semurah apapun harga suatu barang, tetap konsumen harus mengeluarkan uang untuk membelinya. Adanya diskon memang menggiurkan, tapi kalau uangnya tidak ada ya tidak bisa beli juga ya, hahaha.
3. Hakikat menabung adalah menunda kepentingan masa kini untuk masa depan. Tapi kalau kebutuhan masa kini belum tercukupi, apa guna menabung? Plus benar sekali yang diajarkan para lembaga investasi kalau menabung (atau investasi) harus memiliki sebuah tujuan. Entah menikah, kuliah, beli rumah, mobil, dan lain-lain. Tanpa tujuan yang jelas, tidak ada target nominal, maka menabungnya juga jadi sembarangan saja.
4. Keinginan belajar untuk pendidikan lebih lanjut membutuhkan alasan yang kuat kenapa kita harus mengambilnya. Saya masih belum memiliki keinginan yang kuat maupun penyediaan biaya. Mestinya hal ini membuat saya bisa mencari cara belajar lainnya yang bisa bebas dibaca dan diunduh seperti di website universitas luar negeri yang rajin menshare jurnal dan pdf buku pelajarannya. Ini nggak mendesak sih, tapi mau aja biar kemampuan akademis nggak stuck di satu tempat. Semangat!
5. Keinginan mengkonsumsi sebuah barang yang sayangnya sudah dipersepsikan negatif. Dan saya malah jadi was-was sendiri jika ketahuan mengkonsumsi produk tersebut. Sebenarnya tidak hanya barang tersebut, tapi banyak produk lainnya yang sudah terkena dampak. Sayangnya si produk itu saja yang sepertinya diproklamirkan besar-besaran, hm..
6. Grab memiliki peta yang lebih presisi, tetapi gojek memiliki armada yang lebih banyak, hm..
7. Orang akan menemui kita ketika memiliki urusan yang ingin diselesaikan. Seberapapun inginnya saya bertemu seseorang, sepertinya tidak akan semudah itu terwujud jika orang itu tidak memiliki keinginan yang sama. Pun orang lainnya terhadap saya. Udah disamperin juga bisa aja sayanya yang ga peduli, haha, jahat ya? :P
8. Kapan mau mulai Al? Dan jika sudah dimulai, bisakah kamu konsisten?
I believe for now instagram has become my favourite social media. Sampai saat ini gw merasa belum (semoga tidak) merasakan pengaruh negatif darinya. Gw merasa setiap orang memiliki nuansa tersendiri ketika membuka homenya, karena dengan mudah kita bisa meng-add akun-akun yang sesuai dengan kepribadian kita.
Gw pun bisa membuka berbagai akun orang dari berbagai belahan dunia. Tidak harus mengerti bahasanya, cukup dengan menikmati foto, dan berkomentar dengan bahasa inggris jika perlu. Luckily, people are nice with comment!
Gw memilih fokus pada akun-akun yang memposting makanan dan bunga! Yep. Makanan yang enak dan bunga yang indah tentu membuat gw betah berlama-lama di home instagram gw. Dan untuk pertama kalinya sejak gw menggunakan pascabayar untuk hp gw, gw merasa khawatir dengan berapa sisa kuota internet yang ada, hahah. Bener-bener deh racun banget berselancar di instagram itu ya :'D
beberapa foto yang pernah diupload ke instagram
Gw bisa memposting hampir setiap hari di instagram. Sayangnya biasanya nulis di captionnya suka nggak terlalu dipikirin, haha. Nggak se-thoughtful kalau lagi nulis di blogger atau twitter. Coba intensitas menulis itu bisa gw bagikan di sini ya hahaha :P
Gw juga mulai memberikan watermark setiap mau memposting foto di instagram. Baru sekali sih gw menyadari kalau foto gw ada yang dicuri dan diposting di akun seseorang (yang gw juga udah lupa itu siapa). Saat itu juga gw komen di foto tersebut, dan akhirnya (kayaknya) dihapus sih sama pemiliknya. Setiap gw melihat hasil foto gw, gw teringat berbagai memori ketika mengambil foto tersebut. Jadi rasanya sakit aja foto tersebut diambil dan diposting dengan enaknya oleh orang lain. Meskipun itu "hanya foto", tapi gw ngerasa konyol aja ada orang yang supermales mau ngisi galerinya dengan foto orang lain. Mana nggak nyebutin asal sumbernya sama sekali, huh. Mbok ya tahu diri gitu ya :(
I heard some stories about relationship issue in the past years, and I am proud we have conquered some of it very well. I love that our relationship have grown to be a mature one. I love that we struggling to keep us together in good time and try to solve the bad time quickly (with a clear solution, of course). I love that we hardly ever feel bored with each other. I love that I have met you and still be with you until now :)
Last but not least, like Clean Bandit sings,
"When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be.."
Happy 7 ya Mas Buncit. I hope 7 will be our lucky number, amin.. :))
