Monday, September 26, 2016

Finally 0

It takes 5 months, losing 13 kgs, some good friends, some loner trips in the town, some sleepless nights, a lot of crying moments, to finally reach this 0 counter.

I think I have written a post with 0 as the title earlier. But it turns out so cheesy I revert it to draft again, haha. And I know at that time, I still in my mourning period, so this post deserve the 0 title more :)

I realize I have found peace again in my heart when I know that I am no longer being an important person in his life. The no-communication-at-all-to-forget is real. At first I believe when he said he still wants to be friend with me. But of course it is so different communicate with person you love and now just being a friend, right?

Now I am at the stage to searching again the purpose in my life. I believe happiness is start within my ownself. Not from my relationship, my job, or my money. It's a state of mind.

Let's be happy :)

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Tentang Makan, Makanan, dan Diet

Berat badan sudah turun di angka 13 kg. 

Hampir semua orang yang rutin ada di sekitar saya menyadari ini. Hampir semua orang terlihat kaget, bahagia, dan bertanya tips dan trik bagaimana saya bisa mencapainya.

Jawaban saya selalu sama. Mengurangi makan karbo, olahraga, motivasi yang kuat dan konsisten, juga perasaan bahagia.

Walau di dalam hati, saya tau, motivasi paling kuat yang saya miliki adalah karena saya patah hati.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Staying True to Your Ownself

Staying true to myself often makes people see me as a weak person.

But I know the best for my ownself. I am the girl who doesn't feel afraid to dive into emotion I felt. I am the girl who likes to learn about what my feelings will do to me. I am the girl who doesn't matter knowing how emotion will hurt and break me.

I know denial won't make me learn. I know denial won't make me knowing how I am gonna react to these kind of emotions. I know denial won't make me realize how I am gonna find the solution.

As an introvert and intrapersonal person, my favourite time now is discussing my day, my problem, and what I feel with my ownself and God. I let my imaginary friend appear. I let my prayer time becomes so important. Because I know some people have fed up with my stories, haha. And nobody really cared about it :)

I am happy and in the process to being okay :)


Don't lie to your ownself, dear.

Face the fear and doubt you have. Let it goes to your heart. Feel it. Feel it all. Feel it and understand it. Feel it and slowly you'll find the cure :")

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Another One Third Has Passed

Another one third has passed after the seven one third event end. All of my friends who knows about this story telling me to stop. I want to stop. I really want to stop. But there's still feelings attached to me. I hate that. I hate that feelings. I hate that feelings can break my routines. I hate I can't really do anything to stop it. I can't show it, I don't know how to express it, except with crying. And I can't cry freely too. I have to search the proper time and some places that people who see me cry can think that I am still normal and don't have to asking me or worrying about it.

Move on always become one of the hardest part in my life. I did it several times. It got me some years to really forget about how I really care about one person.

I promise myself not to tell this kind of story in my public blog. Mostly because I don't want anyone to ask if I am okay. I am not okay, there you go fellas. But I try my best to let go. Really. Bear with me. I know when one door closed, another one will open. I know rainbow always come after the rain. I know happiness awaits for me. I know I still have a lot of other things to do and to take care of. I know I still have some people who care about me.

I just need some more time to passed..

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I Hate U I Love U
By Gnash feat Olivia O'Brien




[Verse 1 - Olivia O'Brien:]
Feeling used
But I'm
Still missing you
And I can't
See the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips
And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can't seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you

[Chorus - Olivia O'Brien:]
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her

[Verse 2 - Gnash:]
I miss you when I can't sleep
Or right after coffee
Or right when I can't eat
I miss you in my front seat
Still got sand in my sweaters
From nights we don't remember
Do you miss me like I miss you?
Fucked around and got attached to you
Friends can break your heart too,
And I'm always tired but never of you
If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit
I put this reel out, but you wouldn't bite that shit
I type a text but then I never mind that shit
I got these feelings but you never mind that shit
Oh oh, keep it on the low
You're still in love with me but your friends don't know
If you wanted me you would just say so
And if I were you, I would never let me go

[Radio version's additional chorus - Olivia O'Brien:]
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her

[Verse 3 - Gnash:]
I don't mean no harm
I just miss you on my arm
Wedding bells were just alarms
Caution tape around my heart
You ever wonder what we could have been?
You said you wouldn't and you fucking did
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix
Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed
Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing
Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance
I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing
But I learned from my dad that it's good to have feelings
When love and trust are gone
I guess this is moving on
Everyone I do right does me wrong
So every lonely night I sing this song

[Chorus - Olivia O'Brien and Gnash:]
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her

[Bridge - Olivia O' Brien and Gnash:]
All alone I watch you watch her
Like she's the only girl you've ever seen
You don't care you never did
You don't give a damn about me
Yeah all alone I watch you watch her
She is the only thing you ever see
How is it you never notice
That you are slowly killing me

[Chorus - Olivia O'Brien:]
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her

Monday, August 22, 2016

Turun 10 kg

Salah satu resolusi tahunan (link) rutin di beberapa tahun terakhir yang kayaknya susah banget tercapai, akhirnya, bisa juga dijalankan!


Monday, August 15, 2016

Dancing With Myself

I don't usually left my blog for a long time. Actually I want to post many things, but I think it will be best if I don't post it. Some of posts I wrote in July I revert to draft because I don't know it will be suitable for other people to read it. So I turned it to my other blog which is only me can read it.

I try to live normally since I think the situation I got last month should never change my routine. Well, some of my routine. I do exercising, I do dieting, I walk around by myself. I try to make myself hungry, tired, and sleepy to forget the bad situation I am experiencing. I meet my friends more and so glad they give me so much encouragement to be a happy person again.

But for this time, let me just dancing with myself :)

----------


Dancing With Myself 
By Billy Joel
Performed by Kevin McHale on Glee 
Lyrics from azlyrics.com (link)




On the floors of Tokyo
Down in London town's a go-go
With the record selection
And the mirror's reflection
I'm a-dancing with myself

Oh, when there's no one else in sight
In the crowded, lonely night
Well, I wait so long for my love vibration
And I'm dancing with myself

Oh, dancing with myself
Oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'm dancing with myself

If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes seem to pass me by
And leave me dancing with myself

So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had a chance, I'd ask one to dance
And I'd be dancing with myself

oh, dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'm dancing with myself

oh, dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'm dancing with myself

So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had a chance, I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancing with myself
I'll be dancing with myself
So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think

oh, dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'm dancing with myself

oh, dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'm dancing with myself
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